A lot of nothing

It has been awhile since I posted stuff on here. I cant really consider anything major happening besides my change in lifestyle and loss of 2 close friends.

I'm not drinking alcohol anymore which is funny because I will be 21 in November. I feel burned out and in a weird way controlled by it. I somewhat remember the person I used to be before I became a "partier" and I miss that version of me. I thought that I could pace myself and stay balanced but I have learned that I cant. Alcohol is a necessary sacrifice for an emotionally happier life for myself and melissa.

Because of my new decision (and semi-angry comments towards 1 of the 2), I dont speak to my former best friends anymore. The one i "opened up to" stopped talking to me after i told her my feelings which wasnt a surprise but what did surprise me was the sudden loss of my other PC best friend. i always thought (and one time i actually said) that the first person and i only had a connection through partying but other than that we had nothing which is far from what i want. the sad thing is i found out it was the same way with the other person as well. melissa says friends always go through times when they dont talk to each other as much but i feel like this is different. i know for a fact the feeling of losing friends because of time and space apart. i have been dealing with it since 7th grade. this is different. this is because of a choice i made that didnt effect them in any way. its selfish on their part.

By my count i'm down to 3 people i would actually consider a friend. 1 is always working or partying (but this last week i luckily did get a lot of hang out time with him), 1 goes to school at UF, and the other is in Ohio. How depressing :/

As soon as I get through school here I'm living with Melissa. Once I'm with her I will lose the need for friends (which sounds pretty bad but sadly its how it is). I'm probably going to end up like the guy in I Love You, Man but minus the finding a best man part.

Ok no more depressing stuff. One more thing I forgot to mention. I got almost strep throat. I took penicillin for awhile (i just finished all of it) but i still have a semi swollen throat and the white lightning-like stripes on them. i'm probably going to go back to the clinic to find out whats going on.

...and i'm done.